And I'd almost forgotten that I kept one of these blogs!
Well right now I'm dying my hair and as a result, had to lose the glasses whilst I wait for my noggin to go a purply plum colour. I had my hair cut yesterday and they feminised me and as a result, I decided that I'd have to dye it a funky colour and wax it up to look as scruffy and boyish as possible. In no way am I femme, apart from of course, the lovely wavey haircut I now adorn. I prefer to look somewhere in between make and female, don't ask me why.
Sometimes, once I've had a shower I stand in front of a mirror, slick my hair down and hold my chest as flat as those puppies can go. I wouldn't say that I have an aura of gender dysphoria about me, but that I don't 'feel' like a girl psychologically and as a result, do not often dress heteronormatively female. Perhaps it is possible to be somewhere in between, for whatever reason. Maybe gender is something we are conditioned in to and attirbutes of male and female personality labelled as such to keep certain people in positions of privilidge. It wouldbe ineresting to do a cross cultural study on this.
I have been insanely busy as of late, attempting to keep my volunteering, my two jobs and my studies running smoothly. At the moment I feel I would like to bury my head in the sand (of course, once my hair has turned the colour I'd like it to, else the cream will smear on to my face) and just let everything go by. I won't have this in a years time, I'll be graduated and working and self-sufficient... Yet until then, I have commitments and hopefully at least a 2:1 to achieve to secure myself a place above the lowest rungs of the rat race. I am bored of bar work, I would hate to go back to Wrexham... I would love to be free in London or Brighton.
ARGH! I have an itchy scalp... Is that a bad thing???
*Resists temptation to scatch*
So anyway...
Socially everything is pretty sound. Been to a few raves and found the most recent to be less psychedelc than it was in May, which was unfortunate. I spend my time with different groups of people, only to find myself at the university LGBT quite recently and talking to a couple of interesting women. Listening to life stories and passions are a few of the things which make life worth living eh? However, I don't really have much time for LGBTing, I should be studying!
And here ends my uninteresting blog.
Ciao4now!
SW
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1 comment:
Hey Sel, this is John True :)
I thought this was a very interesting entry! It had several threads to it and I didn't get lost or bored :)
I remember from my college and further reading that some Native American tribes (was it just one?) have like 8 genders or something! So, it's very much our society's problem, trying too hard to categorize things too cleanly.
I think it's cool that you feel that way about yourself! first, it's true to who you are, and to be brave about that and embrace and explore that is the greatest gift your sould can do for itself and the rest of us.
2) it feels like balance. That's so cool!
too bad you weren't born more flat chested, eh? And there are females out there that wish they had what you got. *giggles* funny world
well, I love you just the way you are, be yourself! You are worth it!
love, john
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